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Thursday, March 27, 2003 JONNO: ECLECTIC CRUISE DIRECTORit’s been two years since my friend MICHAEL ROURKE introduced me to the genius of JONNO.COM , and since then my life has never been the same. i actually met JONNO once in 1990 at a nightclub in nyc, but i can barely remember the encounter because i was in a “ K-HOLE ” at the time. every time i visit JONNO.COM, i’m transported to magical places (via his links), that i would have never thought to go to, had i not been a devotee of this pied piper of the web. in an effort to be more like my internet idol, i’ve constructed this entry to be a fascinating ride through cyber space. are you too busy to take time off from “work” to travel all the way to TIJUANA, MEXICO for silicone injections in your ass ? well, CLICK HERE and achieve the taste of womana you desire without having to step one (size 14) foot on an airplane. tired of biased news coverage of the war in IRAQ ? THIS SITE offers all you really need to know about GEORGE W’s war. are you like me ? never been a big fan of comic books ? well, it’s time to flip the script superfriend ! THIS STRIP will make you do just that...strip! have you recently left the east coast and moved west ? do you long for the summertime delights that east coast beaches have to offer ? then slip on a pair of virtual SPEEDO’S and bask in the glow of THIS TREASURE . special thanks to mathu, ARIGOLD.COM , efren sifuentes and tracy j. holman. oh, and happy birthday, LAMBS . . | Permalink Wednesday, March 26, 2003 THE BOSShappy birthday to the one and only true "boss", DIANA ROSS. . | Permalink Tuesday, March 25, 2003 KEEP’EM CUMMINthe following is a list of the best “porno charades” titles you’ve sent so far: hannah and her fisters the creamcatcher robocock lickboxer the trouble with anals semens like old times on golden shower gods and genitals the affair of the pearl necklace don’t tell mom the babysitter’s hung king dong the little spermaid schindler’s fist splendor in the ass saturday night beaver genital hospital weapons of ass destruction sperms of endearment halloweenie: re-erection oklahomo! poke-a-hot-ass glad-he-ate-her good will cunting poonstruck cum kind of wonderful a mid summer night’s cream clitter the wizard of ooze come blow my horn how stella got her ass waxed james and the giant dildo secretions of the divine ya-ya sisterhood bang the bum slowly the man with the golden cum the sperminator dong with the wind the amityville whore . | Permalink Monday, March 24, 2003 AFFAIRS TO REMEMBERi'm strongly considering HIM for my next dinner party. thanks, efren. | Permalink Sunday, March 23, 2003 FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORESKINtonight, i had about 30 people over to my house for a “charades party”. the monthly event was made different tonight by 2 new additions to the festivities. the first was a random surprise birthday celebration. as guests arrive, i write their names down on a piece of paper and put it in a bowl. then, after dinner i gather everyone around the dining room table, bring out a cake with lit candles on it and have my guest sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY. when it gets to the part in the song where the birthday person’s name is sung, we all pause while i put my hand in the before mentioned bowl, pull out a name and read it aloud, then finish out the song. the randomly selected birthday person gets to blow out the candles and receive gifts. tonight’s birthday person was my friend, DEJON. boy, he was beau coup excited to be chosen. one of the several gifts he received was a DVD of WISEGIRLS starring MARIAH CAREY (courtesy of MICHELLE VISAGE, who gave me a stack of them last week). as JOELLE and i were planning the party, the idea to have a random birthday surprise just came to me. from now on it will be a tradition. the second new feature to my “games night” is a round of charades using the titles of real or made up porno movies. as the invitation phone calls were made, guests were asked to bring with them 2 porno titles that spoof mainstream hollywood movies, such as SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATE’S or MONSTER BALLS. this evening, after the usual fun filled round of charades with multiple categories such as films, books, plays, songs, tv shows and musical theater, we christened the all new “porno only round”. it was absolutely hilarious !!! we were all on the floor busting up! some of the funniest and most memorable titles of the night were RUMPLEFORESKIN, GANG BANGS OF NEW YORK, FORESKIN GUMP, A FEW GOOD HYMEN, CHITTY CHITTY GANG BANG, HONEY, I BLEW THE KIDS, HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG, LORD OF THE COCK RING, I KNOW WHO YOU BLEW LAST SUMMER, SCHLONG BLADE, HOMO ALONE 2 : LOST IN YOUR ASS, BEVERLY HILLS COCK, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARSE , BOUND FOR GLORY HOLES, WHEN HARRY ATE SALLY, GUESS WHO’S CUMMING AT DINNER, WHO’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE, I CREAM OF JEANNIE, I DREAM OF WEENIE, MY BIG FAT GREEK COCK, BLACK COCK DOWN, YOU’VE GOT SHE-MALE, ANAL ATTRACTION, ANNIE GET YOUR CUM, BREAKFAST IS TIFFANY and the hands down favorite of the evening: A FIST CALLED WANDA. i’m sure everyone who was here tonight is at home making a list for next month, so do me a favor and send me some titles that i can astound my guest with in april. . | Permalink Wednesday, March 19, 2003 SUPPORTING TRUTHlast night TOM and i went to the special screening of the film SORDID LIVES in support of it's release on DVD. it was my 3rd time seeing the masterpiece, and it was just as funny as the first time i saw it. i think it will really find it's audience on DVD. today, i'm running over to the VIRGIN MEGA-STORE to buy several copies of HOME, the latest album by THE DIXIE CHICKS. . | Permalink CLICK HERE TO SEE MY FAVE SITE OF THE WEEKthanks clancy. . | Permalink Tuesday, March 18, 2003 WKTU MORNING SHOW REUNIONi spent sunday at MICHELLE VISAGE’S house for her daughter LILLIE’S 3rd birthday. GOUMBA JOHNNY was in town vacationing, so he stopped by for the birthday party, too. . | Permalink Monday, March 17, 2003 NEW MOON ON MONDAYok, this is going to sound really weird to some people, but i felt some sort of cosmic shift happen in the universe this past week. my sense is that this movement is a very good thing (yes darling, madame ru has spoken). in all honesty, i’ll take any kind of fucking shift at this point, because this has truly been the winter of my discontent. my spiral downward started with a christmas card from my ex mother in-law. seeing her hand writing and hearing her australian accent as i read the card, made me sad as i reminisced about all the years we celebrated the holidays together. it was at that moment that i realized i hadn’t prepared myself emotionally for the long winter ahead, a time when i traditionally get the blues. add to the mix all the bullshit happening in the world and i had my emotional state mapped out for the following months. my eleventh hour strategy was to just persevere and wait for the storm to pass. fast forward to today, the dark clouds have parted and i feel strong and optimistic. what changed ? certainly nothing has changed with the bullshit in the world, but something has clearly shifted with my inside moves. spring solstice ? full moon ? it doesn’t matter, i’m just happy to be in the land of the living. note to self: make sure your mind, body and spirit are nurtured by the time halloween rolls around. . | Permalink Friday, March 14, 2003 JUST BETWEEN GIRLFRIENDSi met WILL twenty-one years ago at a nightclub on peachtree street called TV DINNERS. it was the night of the MISS TV DINNERS pageant and i was a judge and WILL, who back then was known as JUDY LaGRANGE, was a contestant. if i remember correctly, JUDY would have won had it not been for some trickery by LADY CLARE, who ultimately walked away with the crown. over the next ten years, JUDY and i partied, performed and terrorized together, and even co-starred in a short film called JUST BETWEEN GIRLFRIENDS directed by fellow alumni LAHOMA VAN ZANT. all those years ago in atlanta were some of the happiest years of my life. this week, WILL is out here in los angeles on spring break (he’s a professor at a university back east) and we’ve connected for the first time in over ten years. it’s been a real joy to see him. one of the few benefits of being on this planet for a long time has been to have relationships that span decades. unspoken words that say “i know you, i know what it took for you to get here, and there’s no need for you to explain”. surprisingly, no one ever told me that i’d have that to look forward to. when i look into the eyes of another comrade from back in the day, the sense of empowerment and recognition is overwhelming. i imagine it must have felt the same way for the TITANIC survivors. tonight, me and WILL, TOM and MARK went to see DEL SHORES’ new play called THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF A TRAILER TRASH HOUSEWIFE starring God’s gift to the world, BETH GRANT. the play is absolutely terrific and MS. GRANT is beyond fabulous in it (she has always been a favorite of mine, way before her star turn in the movie SORDID LIVES). i laughed, i cried and i even had to close my eyes a couple of times because it was way too real. the entire cast is pure perfection, but most notably DALE DICKEY aka SCENE STEALER. MS. DICKEY’S portrayal of “rayleen” is hilarious, authentic and not to be missed. also, OCTAVIA SPENCER as “LaSonia”, is so right on target in her role as the wise cracking next door neighbor, that both WILL and i could have sworn she was one of THE U-HAULS, my back-up singers from the good ol’ days in georgia. click here to find out more about the play . | Permalink Thursday, March 13, 2003 BLING BLINGi got into show business for all the wrong reasons. i wanted to be a star because, i needed the entire world to stand up simultaneously and shout WE LOVE YOU RU ! well, eventually the world did stand up and validate me, but nothing else changed. i was still left with that empty feeling i’ve had ever since i could remember. after an extended visit to the dark night of my soul, i realized that i would not be made whole by something from the outside world, but instead by something from my inside truth. in reality, i have always been whole, but my thinking didn’t support that fact. post epiphany, my job has been to change my thinking and to reconnect with the eternal energy force that i am an extension of. not an easy task in a world where J-LO is held as the example of “having it all”. . . | Permalink Monday, March 10, 2003 RUPAUL,HELLO MY NAME IS ****** ****** AND IM 20 YEARS OLD.SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL I THOUGHT YOU WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON TELEVISION TILL I FOUND OUT YOU WERE A MAN. THIS STILL DIDNT STOP ME IN WHAT I BELIEVED, LATER ON I ENJOYED YOUR VIDEOS ESPICALLY "SUPERMODEL" RIGHT WHEN I SAW THAT I WANTED TO BE THAT. LATER ON I ENJOYED WATCHING YOUR SHOW ON VH1. I ALWAYS WANTED TO MODEL BUT IT WAS HARD BECAUSE I COULDNT AFFORD IT AND PLUS IM 5'3 . SO DURING MY HIGHSCHOOL YEAR I ATTEND MODELING SCHOOL AND FOUND OUT IT WAS A BIG SCAM. ALL I HAS WAS SOME PICTURES AND THAT WAS IT.AT THE AGE OF 19 I FOUND AN AGENCY BUT FIND OUT THEY WERE A BIGGER SCAM.I NEED YOUR HELP !!! I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME UNDER YOUR WING AND TEACH ME EVERYTHING I CANT EVEN PUT ON MAKEUP. I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO DO PRINT WORK ANYTHING JUST TO GET MY FOOT OUT THE DOOR . THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANY HELP MUCH LOVE . dear ******, modeling isn't something you choose to do, it's something you are chosen to do. aside from sending your photo to a modeling agency, i know of no other way to break into the business. straight up, rupaul . | Permalink Saturday, March 08, 2003 DENTAL, DAMN !the ickiest part of the dental surgery, that i had on thursday afternoon, was when my periodontist stuck the 4 inch needle into my gums, ouch! after he pumped me full of novocaine, i didn’t give a shit what he did to my mouth. with my headphones in place, i blasted SYLVESTER as the doctor replaced bone in my lower right quadrant (i don't even want to hear what's going on). at one point, he stretched my lips so wide i thought they might split, which reminded me of a guy i used to know called “beercan”. later, i found out that the bone my dentist used was not synthetic (as i had assumed), but human bone from a cadaver ! my mouth is full of the bones of dead people who left their bodies to science. what if the bones in my mouth are from MARTHA RAYE ? remember her ? she was known as “the big mouth”. what if i started talking like her ? what if her bones start to possess my entire body and i need a catholic priest to get her out of me ? oops ! sorry, y’all...that’s just the VICODIN talking. . | Permalink Wednesday, March 05, 2003 "LOOKS LIKE A WAFFLE HOUSE"when my therapist asked me why i thought my obsession with the documentary “painted babies” has never waned (i’ve seen it “a hundred times”), i told her that i think it’s because the B.B.C. commissioned masterpiece, about child beauty pageants in the southern states of america, exemplifies the warped sense of values that i’ve witnessed in american culture ever since i was a kid growing up in san diego. for me, “painted babies” is tangible evidence that the world around me is beyond warped, and that i am not as weird as they would have me believe (alas, proof that i’m better than them!). no wonder then that “the emperor”s new clothes” has always been my favorite fable. . | Permalink Tuesday, March 04, 2003 DOUBLE WHAMMYtoday will see the release of LIL KIM'S new album LA BELLA MAFIA, and LaTOYA JACKSON on LARRY KING LIVE. life is good. . | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
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