        |
||||
 |
Monday, December 29, 2003 MY PEEPS...YOU KNOW WHO YOU AREi feel good. i'm so happy that i didn't succumb to the "end of the year blues" this season, and that the trickiest part is over. LAHOMA is visiting CALIFORNIA this week and will be staying with me on NEW YEAR'S EVE. i'm really looking forward to seeing her! it's an amazing feeling for me to experience friends that i've known for years and years and years. all the laughs, the tears, the fallouts and reconciliations...and the glances that say "i know you, i REALLY know you and i STILL wanna be your friend". it all adds up to a deep, profound connection that makes my eyes well up with tears just to think about it. so, in this moment of heightened sensitivity, i wanna take this time to tell all my niggaz, my bitches and all my ol' skool ho's, i love you from the core of my soul, to the bottom of my heart. because of the love you gave me, i'll know that i existed. . | Permalink Saturday, December 27, 2003 THE GIFT THAT MONEY CANNOT BUYwe all got together at my sister ROZY'S house, here in L.A. for christmas this year. as usual, the men folk stayed in the den to watch some sort of sports thingy on television, the boy children aptly played GAME BOY upstairs, and the rest of us gathered around the dining room table to play the home edition of PASSWORD that i had brought over. my sisters, ROZY and RENAE, are currently boycotting playing games with me because they say i’m "too competitive". me and RENETTA are now the reigning champs. as the years go by, i can honestly say that i love and enjoy my family more and more. this year, i successfully avoided buying any christmas gifts, which was a gift in and of itself. i don't need a reason to gift someone. i do it when the fancy strikes me, but i will buy some things today for ROZY'S daughter, OLIVIA. tomorrow, she turns 5 years old, and i'm planning to feed her latest obsession with LIZZIE McGUIRE, who she's quick to point out is really HILARY DUFF. the day after christmas, i was surprised by an unannounced visit from a friend who i hadn't seen in a year. normally, i would've played possum and not answered the door on such a call, but for some reason i did. after he came in and sat down, it was clear to me that he had been "tweakin’ on tina" for several days and needed somebody to talk to (or at). he was unhappy and lonely, so i couldn't just tell him to go home, get some sleep and call me tomorrow. ultimately, i was thankful for his visit because it reminded me of where i don't want to be. vicariously through him, i was able to look at my own currently dormant drug addiction and see how insidious and painful it was. i remembered how getting high for me, towards the end, was like pouring gasoline on my self-loathing. it would fuel this emotional spiral downward, to which i had no defense. don't get it twisted, i can still spiral downward, but 4 years later, i have tools that help me to avoid a crash-bang-boom, or at least catch it before it goes that far. i was only able to learn and apply these tools after i got a clear head. my friend doesn't know it, but his appearance at my doorstep was truly a gift. p.s. - i don’t have anything against drugs and alcohol or the people who use them. i used for 29 years, and for 20 of those years i had a terrific time. eventually, it became clear to me that i had been using them in order to smother old hurts and bad feelings that were left unattended, and had subsequently grown to monolithic proportions, leaving me numb and emotionally paralyzed. i asked for help, and with the help of some "friends", i learned how to process old feelings and grow into new ones. today, the allure of "outer space" holds no weight with me, but i fully acknowledge it's usefulness for others on the journey. do yo' thang, mommy! i ain't mad at 'cha. . | Permalink Wednesday, December 24, 2003 KARMA CHAMELEON aka SANTA BABYmetaphors and hidden meanings have always intrigued me. it's always deeply satisfying whenever i'm able to decode a parable or decipher "the moral of the story". i guess it quenches some desire in me to know that there's more to everything than just what's on the surface. the story of SANTA CLAUS is a perfect example of a simple tale that teaches children the abstract concept of karma. the energy that you put forth into the universe is the same energy that you will receive from the universe. simply put, if you are good, you will get gifts. i have yet to comprehend the deeper meaning behind THE TOOTH FAIRY. . | Permalink Tuesday, December 23, 2003 NEW EDITIONSI'm sorry about the fucked up, unreadable symbols in the text of my blog archives. I composed all of that text using APPLEWORKS, and currently BLOGGER isn't reading the apostrophes correctly. The text you are now reading was composed on MICROSOFT WORD, let's hope it works out. Here are a couple of oversights that belong on my "favorites list '03": SINGLES: "where is the love"...black-eyed peas "move your feet"...junior senior TELEVISION: t.v. funhouse p.s.- after posting this blog, i found that using MICROSOFT WORD didn't fix the problem. . | Permalink Monday, December 22, 2003 SHADOWS AND BLOGit feels good to be back to the blog again. i started it two years ago to give folks an idea of what i'm really like as a living, breathing, human being. it's been both fun and exhausting at times, but the biggest reward has been some of the people i've corresponded with as a result of the blog. i get emails from the most amazing people all over the world, and some from the most fucked up psychopaths ever allowed near a computer. here are a few of the emails that warmed my heart last week: Well Ru, I for one do not find your blog at all boring, nor do I think that consciously deciding to reinvent yourself is the answer. We're all a work in progress right up to the day we leave this little spinning ball of life called earth. Whether you're happy, depressed, pissed off, working or watching tv, I just like checking in and hearing about what's happening in your life - your comings and goings whether they are visiting family, going dancing, or buying cd's is all as interesting as when you are meeting uber-celebrities. I think you're the perfect Ru! xxo jacob Hi Sweetpea!!!! Happy Holiday's!!! I have been thinking of 2003 & different ways to get your name all over the news & in homes across America for 2004...here's what I came up with...what'cha think??? 10.Pretend to not know the difference between Tuna & "Chicken Of the Sea." 9. Dangle one of your wigs from a balcony in front of photographers. 8. Kill Bill. 7. Send Bjork a bomb in the mail. 6. Be involved in a low speed car chase down the 405 or 710. 5. Find Bin Ladin in a bigger whole. 4. Fake an accent and run for Mayor. 3. "Leak"out an amature porntape just weeks before your on reality show debut. 2. Be 2nd runner up to the WINNER of American Idol. 1. Kiss Madonna! hehehehe Who am I kidding...everybody knows your crazy ass...hell, Taylor Dayne remade Supermodel Of The World & my 9 year old cousin knows ALLLL the words!! :) I hope you have a Very Merry Christmas...I know I will, as I am playin the shit outta your Christmas CD!! Have a happy New Year & take care my love...Parker > I'M DYING OVER HERE... > > I just ran into your site a week ago and I have read every single > solitary piece of text this site has to offer, and i've come to one > conclusions... IM OBSESSED... yep im a scorpio, how'd you guess? > you've mastered the art of SUCKING everyone in (in one way or another) > and I've come to the end of your blog... (is it DECEMBER already???) > and since entries are far and few between (i check every day), i've > dipped into an oblivious depression.. and the only remedy is... MORE > GODDAMN BLOG!!! Don't let me DIE like this!!!!! after all ive done > (and read) for you. hey, If you need a typist because the finger you > type with is blistered and sore for one reason or the next (i guessed > which finger, by the way) i am fast as lightning... just call me > keyboardina trampolina cholesterola love-hewett III (dont let my > misuse of capitalization fool you, it's an homage to you!) well > anyway im hoping your neck, your BACK, your pussy and your crack is > doing much better these days, better than i've been doin lately, > because did i tell you... im out of BLOG!!!!!! im melting... oh what > a world, what a world! > > with much respect and adoration, ANONYMOUS Hi, Ru Paul.My name is Cassidy.I am 9 years old and I live in Jacksonville. I absolutely LOVE the song Super Model.The reason I like it is because I'm a model. You are beautiful! My mom saw you in concert in Orlando before I was born. My Uncle Thomas has your CD, and we listen to it very loud in the car! If you ever come to Jacksonville, or Washington State (we are moving in March) please email me so I can see you! Bye! Cassidy > hey rupaul, > > i liked your most recent blog entry about the literal > and figurative interpretations of christianity and > moreso, the bible. i studied with the johavah's > witnesses at one time in my life and although i do not > subscribe the their beliefs, they did point out one > thing that has stuck with me--that the bible is > written in metaphor and people always take it > literally. it was like they were the first religious > people that admitted it! it made the book in general > make WAY more sense and i always baffle that others > haven't realized this as well. i also stay out of > debates about religion, because it's all > faith-based--how can you tell someone to stop having > faith in something they believe in so strongly? you > can and they just won't listen to you, so it's a moot > point. why don't others subscribe to the idea that > all there really is at the end of the day is love or a > search for love. we're all united in that quest--so > why do people WANT to be angry and hateful and use > their religion as their crutch? > > love, > > ~devian . | Permalink Friday, December 19, 2003 MY RESPONSE TO TUESDAY'S EMAILever wonder what happened to DOROTHY after she returned home from OZ? did she immediately go to work on her memoirs? did she approach QVC about selling her EMERALD CITY inspired jewelry collection? or did she sink into a post-traumatic depression fueled by OXY-COTIN and ALIZE? i often think about DOROTHY'S adventure as it relates to my own. what does one do after the fulfillment of a lifelong dream? the obvious answer is to create more dreams, even if that new dream has little to do with the old one. i have a finished album that i've been sitting on for over a year now, without so much as shopping it to one record label. why not ? i've done that, been there. i'd be like DOROTHY trying to get the old gang together for a trip back to OZ. for me, OZ no longer represents the answers to the questions i have (but it sho' do represent the cash for the bills i have). my dreams of being famous were that of a child, but i am no longer a child. i have other aspirations that don't involve jumping through hoops in a dog and pony show. ...to be continued. . | Permalink Thursday, December 18, 2003 THE REANIMATERi find there are two kinds of people in the world. there are people who see the world as black and white and only perceive information in the literal sense, and then there are people who not only comprehend literal meanings but are also able to decipher figurative, abstract, out of the box information. the latter group that i've described here are intuitives who have a connection to their gut, which is every human's link to the psychic power of the universe. sometimes my connection gets distorted by my ego or lack of sleep and food, but for the most part, i try to keep myself aligned with the universal truth, which, of course, is love. my connection was really put to the test on my recent trip home for thanksgiving. i was surrounded by born-again christians, who always bring out the skeptic in me. i am not a christian (and by the way, neither was CHRIST), but i dig JESUS like nobody's business. christians don't have a monopoly on CHRIST. a religion that focuses on the crucifixion of CHRIST, rather than the resurrection, has a not so hidden agenda of oppression. i try to avoid any kind of theological discussion with religious people for obvious reasons, but somehow the issue of literal versus figurative came up. i made the point that the figurative meaning behind the resurrection of JESUS is a much bigger message than the literal meaning, which is that a reanimated corpse walked out of the tomb. figuratively, the meaning is that JESUS transcended death because his true self was not his body. the body can perish, but the soul (the true self) is eternal, which is true for all of us. energy does not die, it just changes form. that's why he is alive today in spirit. he is the example of the potential we all have to transcend the limitations of our bodies. we are all GOD'S children, no one is special. well, of course, that theory didn't go over very well at the homestead. they all chose to believe in the reanimated corpse theory. that's fine. i needed to remind myself to let people be and think however they wanted to. there is no such thing as right and wrong, just love and fear. today i choose love. . | Permalink Wednesday, December 17, 2003 YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME...NOT!why would i consciously put myself in a position to be judged, possibly rejected and left with hurt feelings? that's the question i asked myself this morning when i auditioned for a small role on the ABC sitcom IT'S ALL RELATIVE. i reasoned with myself that i needed this part to maintain a certain work quota required to keep my SCREEN ACTORS GUILD medical insurance, but even that kind of rational doesn't make the process any less painful. i got to the PARAMOUNT lot at 10:am and was directed to a building where the production offices are. i signed in and sat in the hallway with 15 other actors, all leafing through the script and memorizing their lines. some of the faces waiting to audition were very familiar to me, including JOHN RUBINSTEIN , who's been working in tv and movies for 36 years and has a TONY award. i wondered if the audition process was as nerve racking for him, even with such a successful career under his belt. the idea of living my whole life based on whether or not people like me is quite overwhelmingly stupid and sad, but don't we all do that in some form or fashion? p.s.- i didn't get the part. ...and along comes inspiration in the form of a fan letter: SWEET HEART I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS FOR YEARS BUT LATELY YOUR WEBSITE AND IMAGE HAS BEEN EXTREMELY BORING - YOU CARES TO READ ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES,CD'S, ETC ... WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU HAVE BECOME SO TIRED ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE ALL THIS SPARE TIME IN YOUR HANDS - INSTEAD OF REVIEWING ALBUMS AND MOVIES YOU NEED TO RELEASE A NEW ALBUM, RELASE A COOL REMIX AND PERHAPS APPEAR IN A FEW NEWMOVIES, START A ANOTHER SHOW OR AT LEAST MAKE SOME CLUB APPEARANCES ... SOMETHING!!! IT'S TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF RU! . . | Permalink Monday, December 15, 2003 DARK STAR, SHINE BRIGHT!so far this winter, i haven't been depressed, which is very rare for me. just as the planets revolve around the sun, so does sadness and depression hover around my emotional solar system, and always closest to my heart during this time of year. strange then that i haven't succumb to it's gravitational pull...yet i can see it in my peripheral vision. seemingly, it's only effect on me has been a lethargic mist that surrounds me and prevents me from either blogging, organizing my closets or going to the gym, although i have been doing some hiking and biking. . | Permalink MY FAVORITES OF 2003MY FAVORITE MOVIES '03: 1. all the real girls 2. city of god 3. whale rider 4. spellbound 5. dirty pretty things 6. 28 days later 7. kill bill 8. the triplets of belleville 9. elf 10. capturing the friedmans MY FAVORITE SINGLES '03: 1. crazy in love...beyonce 2. in da club...50 cent 3. tenderness '03...diana ross 4. i wish i wasn't...heather headley 5. magic stick...lil kim MY FAVORITE ALBUMS '03: after the storm...monica motown...michael mc donald MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS '03: 1. judge judy 2. match game 3. dynasty 4. golden girls 5. survivor:pearl necklace 6. passions 7. plastic surgery: before and after 8. extreme makeover 9. nip/tuck 10. most extreme elimination challenge 11. curb your enthusiasm MY FAVORITE ACTOR '03: carlos morales MY FAVORITE ACTRESS '03: (tie) whitney houston and joan collins . | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
Appearances |
||
