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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 Queen of the United StatesDear Ru,Gay, Straight, or Taken Well I just watched another Gay, Straight, or Taken and I'm getting a headache. The show is beginning to prove that everybody is Gay, everybody is Straight, and everybody is Taken (with someone or something or another). Between queeny heteros and butch homos there is not a lot of wiggle room, as they say. These male contestants are all foolers--straight cheerleaders, straight hairdressers, gay construction workers, gay Republicans.....no wonder the ladies are confused. Miss America Pageant Mario Lopez is hosting the Miss America pageant tonight "the female Super Bowl"( as Miss Texas just said). I know he's straight but he sure has a cute lisp (and lips). He is tremendously prettier than any of the girls.What does he think when he looks in the makeup mirror and sees perfection? How could any man not want to snuggle with him? I have sometimes referred to him when teasing straight men...you mean to say you would NEVER shag ANY man? How about Mario Lopez? On a desert island in total secrecy? With him as the bottom? Black Miss Texas Shilah Philips is singing "Miracles"(Mariah Carey?), this will be a hard act to beat. Miss Georgia (from Warner Robins) looks like a really hot Latino transexual. She is now tap dancing to Prince's "Baby I'm a Star", ooh I'm getting cold chills (seriously). When I first saw that song in "Purple Rain" I never thought I'd someday see it on the Miss A. pageant. Now Miss Oklahoma (christian---she better pray to win) is singing "You'll Be in My Heart" (very Disneyesque...is this from Pochahontas?). Too honky for my taste ("Pocha-honkiest"). The difference between her and Miss Georgia is immense. Miss Georgia said she likes Bill Clinton. Is this pageant Red vs. Blue (Miss Okla. vs. Miss Ga.)? I guess I should have known that even drag shows are now political. Miss Mississippi just busted a wild piano piece. Miss Alabama is now singing "Time to Say Goodbye"(Sarah Brightman) in Italian & English. All five finalists are Southerners. Why do non-Southerners even enter these pageants? Beauty pageants are as southern as Spanish Moss. Michael Feinstein is a judge on Miss America! He just spoke to Mario. Now judge Debbie Allen is talking. Thank goodness some old school divas are judging these ingenues. Miss Texas just made it to the finals. Her momma is sitting in the front row in a wild outfit. She keeps jumping up and down in the aisle and waving a flag on a stick. Miss Texas looks like a very young Tina Turner and is pretty hot. Oh no, now it is Oklahoma vs. Texas, Red vs. Blue, White vs. Black. Oh no, Miss Okie won. Now she's the Queen of the United States and we are but her subjects. I guess the Reddies still control some things. My personal highlight of Pageant = the name of Miss Tennessee, from Chattanooga: Blaire Ashley Pancake - Mike Mattingly | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
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