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Thursday, July 17, 2003

THE TEN PERCENT

i finally got around to the hundreds of emails that i received when i was away on my trip to the middle east. ten percent of them were spam advertisements that offer VIAGRA online (i thought you needed a prescription), and the others were mostly from people who write to tell me what a foxy bitch/whore they think i am. alot of ladymen write me to find out where they can get sexy shoes that are sized big enough for larger gals, and the hair and make-up queries i get are also directed to the proper channels. letters from tranny-chasers are, of course, forwarded to all my friends and family for a chuckle.

i’m always in a quandary as to how i should respond to the starry eyed dreamers who write me for advice on “making it in show business”. i want to write back and say “when i make it, i’ll let you know”, but i don’t. i usually play along with THE FAME GAME (the great hoax of mankind) by writing them back with “if you develop your craft and work really hard, it could happen”, fully aware and deliberately omitting the fact that it really takes ten percent talent and ninety percent luck. those aren’t very good odds, so who am i to tell DOROTHY that THE GREAT WIZARD is really just an old man behind a curtain with a loud P.A. system ? even so, would that have deterred me, all those years ago ? hell no.

i understand that everybody wants to leave their mark on the world, but i’ve come to realize that the only significant mark i could leave behind is the love that i give and the love that i allow myself to receive. i’m not talking about the love from an audience, because in show business, one wrong move and the public will drop you faster than a “john” would a hooker with a canker sore ! i’m talking about the love between two people. if you want to touch people’s lives, try the person in front of you. oh yes, miss charles gon’ preach this evenin’ !

JACK DELICIOUS

today, i shot a tv commercial for a fast food chain with restaurants in the western part of THE STATES called JACK IN THE BOX. the funny thing is that alot of people predicted that i would one day end up working in fast food (cue “rim shot” sound effect). the ad agency requested that i give them “classic RuPaul...yellow blond hair, big teeth and all legs”, and that’s exactly what i let them have. the architect of my look, MATHU GENIUS VON MONKEY-PAW ANDERSON concocted, teased and taunted my hair and then beat my defenseless mug into total submission. i have to admit i was very shocked and impressed that i could still look that way.

we had alot of fun all day long, especially since we got ready at my house, which is only about a mile from UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, where the ad was filmed. once there, the party continued in the 30 ft. motor home/dressing room with my friend JACK (no relation to the client), TOM, JOELLE, GABRIEL, SARAH and MATHU. the running joke of the day was “monkey pox”, so at every possible juncture, the term was used as a punchline. everytime a tram carrying bus loads of people on the UNIVERSAL STUDIO TOUR would drive by our motor home, i would run outside in full “drags” and yell “monkey pox !!!” repeatedly, as the tourists waved, videotaped and photographed “classic RuPaul”.

on set, my lines in the commercial were “honey, this sandwich is fierce !”, with the variations, “honey, this sandwich is flawless/fabulous !”. later, they let me adlib and i came up with “honey, this sandwich is JACK-ELICIOUS !”. they loved that and i bet they’ll use it. when we finished, MATHU shot a few rolls of film on me using the studio back lot as the back drop, and then later at my house, he got me into a bikini and into the pool for another roll. i can’t wait to see how those turn out.

by sunset, everybody had gone home except for JACK (no relation to the client) and TOM, so we decided to go out for dinner. but before we left, TOM talked JACK into posing nude in a series of digital photographs using TOM’S crutches, my old back brace and some sunglasses as props. JACK is a big, sexy englishman, who also happens to be a hoot and a half. we laughed and laughed and laughed as i shot JACK’S...pictorial. not only was it JACK-ELICIOUS, it was JACK-ILARIOUS ! it was a wonderful day.

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Posted by Ru on Thursday, July 17, 2003 at Thursday, July 17, 2003 | Permalink

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