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Sunday, January 13, 2002

VIVA KNOX VEGAS

we blew into knoxville at 1:30 am and by 5:30 am i was being interviewed on a morning drive radio show to promote my gig that night. the hosts of the show, a man and a woman, spoke in that broadcasting school graduate voice that has singlehandedly ruined mainstream radio. together, they were about as clever as a bucket of rocks. they asked me the exact same questions that i always get asked. "should i refer to you as he or she" the man asked. to that i replied...well little lady, you can call me daddy. that was after he told me to say WORK IT, GIRL to his cohost (sure, i'll say it...as soon as she starts working it). i felt like i was in that saturday night live skit called MORNING LATTE, where the hosts played by will farrell and cheri oteri, are completely oblivious. in the end they got mad at me for not answering questions about milton berle (i'm like...milton who ?) having hosted a morning drive radio show for years ( in a lil 'ol town up yonder called new york city), i know what it's like to have a guest that you just don't click with. once i interviewed jack palance about a book of poetry he had written. well, i'm not a big fan of poetry, but i am a big fan of joan crawford and i knew he had done a film with her so i asked him about joan. he said that he was here to talk about his poetry. so i said ok, what would joan crawford think of your poetry? he hung up on me. it's also very hard to not fall into that dreaded morning zoo brand of rim shot, cheap humor. on my 40th birthday, frankie blue, the program director at wktu, surprised me and had all my favorite stars call up to wish me a happy b-day on the air. donna summer, diana ross, natalie cole and cher. cher called all the way from london and recounted her 40th birthday party held at a club called HEARTBREAK. she said that was the night she met rob camilletti, the man who was to become her longtime lover. to that i said ...hey, i'm 40, i sure would love to meet a bagel boy, tonight! (bagel boy was the nickname the tabloids called camilletti) it was a cheap shot and i regret it to this day. she didn't comment on the remark but i still felt rotten for saying it. she was a guest and you don't want your guest to feel uncomfortable.

after sound check at the club, we found this coffee house called CUP OF JOE in a part of town called the old city. CUP OF JOE had the best cake i have ever had. the woman behind the counter said this old man who lives on the outskirts of town makes them. i had german chocolate and j had chocolate/chocolate. i also ordered a piece of coconut cake to go. i will go back to knoxville, just for this cake.

i bought some used cd's at a place called LOST AND FOUND over by the university of tennessee. i got don johnson's heartbeat, soft cell/marc almond's memorabilia-the singles, buffy sainte-marie's native north american child and wham's music from the edge of heaven.

the show was a blast. the highlights were getting to meet rigo and his friend from atlanta and alexis taylor of east tennessee. they are fans who SHe-mailed me, telling me that they would be there. i dragged them both on stage during the show and took pictures with them. last nights show also had the distinction of being the first time i've ever stopped my show due to an altercation in the audience. seems a real girl burnt a gay guy named rob with her cigarette. i was in the middle of my rap medley when i saw the security guards dragging the real girl off to the side. i told the sound guy to stop the mini-disc. i put the mike up to rob's mouth and asked what happened. he said she put a hole in his new sweater he bought especially to come see miss rupaul and that he was not having any of that. i said well baby you give me some good sugar and have your friend right there snap our picture.

at the airport in knoxville, i was the one they randomly selected to be searched before getting on the plane. that pissed me off. i should have farted while they were searching me. chilli from the group tlc was on the flight from atlanta to lax. we said hi and everything. she said the last time i saw you, ru was on the set of unpretty. i said no.. it was no scrubs. the in flight movie was HARDBALL with keanu reeves. how does shit like that get made. i would have much preferred keanu reeves in a movie called HARDBALLZ.

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