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Wednesday, January 16, 2002 GOLDEN NUGGETSDorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother; she suffered a slight stroke a few years ago, which rendered her totally annoying. Sophia [Rose fixed a dinner]: Cabbage she serves me, in ten minutes I could be sky riding! Rose: Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time? Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking? Buzz: Rosie, I never should have left you forty years ago. I can still see you standing on the platform as the train started to roll by. Remember, Rose? You were walking alongside, tears rolling down your cheeks. When the train picked up a little speed, you started to run. Suddenly you were out of sight. It was very painful for me. Rose: For me too. I ran face first into the crossing-signal. Blanche: My sister has turned into a deceitful old woman whose only pleasure is in hurting people. Ð No offence, Sophia. Blanche: Oh Dorothy, I just talked to somebody back home, and they are doing the most horrible thing! They are tearing down the most important building in Blanche Devereaux's family history. Dorothy: Oh my God, they're tearing down Mattress World. Blanche: Even worse than that. They are tearing down the place where I spent my happiest moments as a child. Dorothy: Oh I'm sorry, Blanche. They're tearing down Boys Town. Rose: My cousin Ingmar was different. He used to do bird imitations. Blanche: What's wrong with that? Rose: Well, let's just say, you didn't want to park your car under their oak tree. Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men. Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you? Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women. Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians. Rose: Cooking, Dorothy? Dorothy: No, Rose, I'm developing pictures for the Magellan Space Program. Dorothy: You know, sometimes I can't believe my ears. Sophia: I know. I should've taped them back when you were seven. Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother, she survived a slight stroke, which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden. Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to relax in a hot, steamy bath with the water high enough to cover my perky bosoms. Sophia: You're gonna lay in an inch of water? [Sophia walks into the kitchen wearing all-black sunglasses] Dorothy: Ladies and gentlemen: Roy Orbison. Ð Ma, I know you can't see through those! Sophia: Are you kidding? I can see just fine. [motions to Blanche] Who's the black guy?. [In the morning Dorothy comes home, wearing an evening dress] Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, are you just getting in? Dorothy: No, Blanche. I got up early and went jogging in a park with a really strict dress code. Rose: I skipped school only once. It turned out to be the day they taught everything!. Blanche: Girls, how does this dress look on me? Sophia: What's the difference? In half an hour it'll be crumpled up on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's. Rose: Can I ask a dumb question? Dorothy: Like no one else. Frank: You look lovely tonight. Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer. Blanche: By the way, did you girls know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportionate to the size of his other body organs? Rose: What do you mean? Dorothy: He had a big floppy pancreas, Rose. Blanche: Rose, what was your first impression of me? Rose: I thought you wore too much make-up and that you were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much make-up. [During a rainstorm] Blanche: The rain always reminds me of my first kiss. Rose: Oh Blanche, you had your first kiss in the rain? Blanche: No, in the shower. Rose: Whenever a new family would move into St. Olaf, we'd all hop on the tractor and ride out to the new neighbour's farm, thirty or forty of us carrying smoked fish and big pitchers full of freshly squeezed potato juice, while cousin Dak played 'Getting To Know You' through the hole in his windpipe. Dorothy: Tell me, Rose, did you ever accompany him through the hole in your head?! | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
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