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Sunday, January 20, 2002 BUZZ KILLERliving in los angeles, i am in constant dread of being asked the inevitable question: so what are you working on? whenever it's asked, which is everyday, i feel like i'm on trial for my life and that i must make a strong case to justify my existence on the planet. i know it isn't asked to put me on the spot or to make me feel uncomfortable. people are really just trying to make conversation, but there's no way for me to answer without it feeling like a pop quiz . even if i were signed to do THE MATRIX 2 & 3 and had just recorded a duet with BRITNEY, being asked that question would still make me feel judged. here in hollywood, there is a not so quiet desperation that looms over the city of dreams. i can feel it in traffic, at the gym or in a restaurant. i can feel it when i'm meeting someone for the first time and as we shake hands, their eyes dart over my shoulder to see if someone more important has just walked in. it's as if everyone here has an expiration date stamped on their forehead, as my friend tennessee likes to say. i guess what this is really all about for me is, the old tapes in my head that say no matter what i do i'm still not good enough ( which is baloney, of course). when someone asks me what i'm working on, my first instinct is to say ...santa monica blvd (where the prositutes hang out). in truth, i am not my work and my value cannot be summed up in 25 words or less. sometimes i fantasize about saying ...i'm not working on anything... but love, where to get it and how to give it away. . | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
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