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Monday, December 31, 2001

SNATCHED FOR THE GODS 2

los angeles is good for three things, therapy, cosmetic procedures and stalking celebrities. so, today, after a 90 minute session with my therapist and a 2 hour session on the electrolysis table, i stopped at the supermarket to pick up something to eat. as i walked through the front door of "ralph's", "Joan Van Ark",was walking in two steps in front of me. everyone who knows me, knows how much i love and admire joan for her acting abilities as well as her courageous efforts in the field of age defying practices. i didn't know what i was going to buy, until i saw joan saunter over to the deli counter. i followed nonchalantly, not revealing the excitment racing through my veins. she took a number. i took a number and waited until i could get a really good look. i've seen her in the neighborhood, driving a black mercedes, but this was the motherlode of sightings. behind me i could see "will" from "will and grace" at the checkout register and a vaguely familiar soap star near the "bread section", but i didn't care. i was focused on one of my obsessions over the past twenty years, "knot's landing's valene ewing". from the time i first saw her on "the rockford files" til her current stint as an infomercial pitch woman, i've been a fan ( probably for all the wrong reasons). she was wearing a long sleeve, white cotton, button down shirt with black slacks. her hair was snatched back in a ponytail. she wore sunglasses and no make-up. i wanted to buy the same thing she bought, but i think that would have been way too weird. i'm going to stop here with my description, because i don't want to get into any trouble. but let it be known right here and now, that there has never been a celebrity who i didn't "clock" (as in recognize). i have a knack for it. the same is true when somebody is "spooking my tee"
( recognizing me), i can always tell. it's like a radar device. i don't mind it because if i get freaked out, i'll just run. but please, don't call me "mr. paul". rupaul is my first name. my last name is charles. nobody calls sarah jessica parker , "miss jessica".

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