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Thursday, November 08, 2001 Wonderful things are happening all the time. Miraculous things. But If I'm not in this moment, I won't even see them. I won't even recognize them because I'm blinded by thinking about next week or something my parents did when I was a kid. Living back there in the past or living in the future makes you miss this moment. My goal is to really enjoy this moment and let the blessings move through me. Because your plan for yourself is a limited plan. It will only go as far as your brain can take it. But when you access God's plan, it is unlimited. Anything can happen.I was a shy child, and I'm still very shy when I'm not "on." But I always knew in my gut that I would be famous because I was always singled out and scrutinized as a kid. Fame is almost second nature to me because I have always felt like and outsider. I'm used to being thought of as different. Ironically, it was the other kids in the neighborhood who informed me that I was gay. I didn't know. They somehow knew and I was singled out because of my name, which is really RuPaul. I started my career in Atlanta at about twenty. I was in a punk rock band, and we would just do crazy music and costumes. As a joke, we all got into drag to do a performance, but when I did it people were blown away. I was, like, "What?" and they were going, "Your legs!" And I was saying, "What about my legs?" Even then I didn't think I could become famous doing that, but one thing lead to another and I started doing shows in drag. It started out as a satire, a "wink," being funny. I had a character that was like a Soul Train dancer. Another one was a "glamazon," a refined but cartoonish caricature of something that you would see in a magazine. I had always thought that blond hair on brown skin looked outrageous. So I did all of that, and then I capitalized on the fact that I had a great pair of sticks. I became a local star in Atlanta, and I knew that the next step was for me to go to New York. So I moved to New York, and eventually I became famous in the underground club scene. When I was crowned the Queen of Manhattan, I felt that that was the pinnacle of downtown superstardom. So I started really working on my music and writing and I took the wig off. I started doing this androgynous look, but not in drag. It was definitely male. I went out and did some clubs and nothing happened. People were like, "That's cute but when are you going to start doing drag again?" That's the first time I got out of God's way and let God work His thing. In my mind, I thought that I couldn't make it in mainstream show business as a drag queen because no one had done it before. I thought I had to take the drag off but when that didn't get a response from people, though some divine intervention, it thought Why not do it in drag? And that's what I did. When I got out of my own way, all the doors opened and it was a hit. I take that philosophy with me today because who would have thought I would be famous in drag? I certainly didn't. I've always been creative and I have people around me who are very aggressive and know how to capitalize on all the aspects of my talents. I'm not the greatest singer or the greatest actor even though I work hard on at everything I do. What I've got is personality and a loving spirit that people feel comfortable with. A loving personality is a talent that you can apply to every aspect of show business. I keep the momentum going with writing books and songs, designing clothes and acting. For me, training seriously as an actor means facing your past and facing your feelings. I was afraid of emotions, afraid of the people who loved me being out of control. My parents divorced when I was seven and they didn't explain to me what they were going through, so like most children, I thought it was my fault. I still see myself as that little boy who is still trying to make heads or tails of things. Today, I'm trying to bring him up to speed. I'm saying to him, "Hey look, none of that stuff that happened back there is your fault. And today, kid, I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna love you!" Now I'm in a place where I can bring those childhood feelings up and it's scary. But it's good because that's what people can relate to. Everybody feels that same way. My childhood was so out of control that when I grew up, I decided I needed to control everything. I decided to take the bull by the horns. Well, if you take the bull by the horns you are bound to get hurt so now I'm just going to step back and let me higher power deal with the bull. I've missed some really beautiful blessings because I wasn't in the moment. I was too busy thinking about what happened in the past or what's going to happen in the future and not in this moment right here. I'm really working on giving up that control because I'm not running the show, God is. When I let go of that control, I have the peace to enjoy the moment, to enjoy my life. The toughest part has been worrying what other people thought or said about me, but now I realize that what other people think about me is none of my business. If I had listened to those people who put me down, I wouldn't be here. My mother was a real rebel, she always told me, "Do what you have to do as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, honey, you go on and do it." Her support is the main thing that helped me to get over other people's opinions of me. I had that fire and I know in my heart of hearts that I'm a good, kind person, that I'm not hurting anyone. People want to bring their own baggage and their own misunderstandings. But what I'm doing is just clothes. It's just clothes and make-up. I don't want to be stifled by thinking I can't do something or by wondering what people will think. I can't live my life that way. I want to be the best I can. I always felt unique, like there was something different going on with me. As an adult, I realize that I'm not unique. I'm not really special because everybody feels that way. Everybody feels that everyone got this instruction book on this life except for them. Now I realize that I'm just a human. I'm just a grain of sand on the beach and I believe everyone has a unique quality about them. You can think, I'm special, I'm unique and I'm gonna make this world do what I want to do. Or you can accept the fact that you are just a human being and through God's guidance, you can do what is uniquely you. That's why it's important to really know yourself. Take the time to know who you are and what you are and then you can apply that to whatever medium you choose to work in. It is very easy for me to separate RuPaul the entertainer from RuPaul the person because I just take the wig off. The challenge is separating RuPaul the ego from RuPaul the spiritual being. The body isn't who I really am. The body is something that that will turn to dust one day. It's like a suit of clothing for my spirit. My spirit is what's real and I have been following my spirit and there can be nothing wrong with that. I have had to realize that most of the world is an illusion and you cannot get caught up in illusions. I'm really trying to separate the illusions from what is real. And to me, the only real thing is the love inside yourself, the love you give to others and the friend you meet along the way. When I was a kid, I wanted to be famous and I wanted to be able to create and I have been able to achieve that. Now my wish has changed. My goal now is to really live in peace to let the blessings flow through me and not block them. | Permalink 2009 RuCo, Inc.—All Rights Reserved |
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